Staying away from old friends and their involvement’s. Finding new friends who are responsible people.
Keeping away from drugs and alcohol.
Getting a job and handling money responsibly.
What Do I Say?
It’s easy. You just be yourself. And that’s the most important idea because God made you uniquely you. An inmate needs to experience your sincere personality. Remember, being a great conversationalist isn’t as important as being a good listener!
With that in mind, the following guidelines will assist you. They come from years of experience and are easy to do
Be Dependable
Come to every visit. Call your coordinator if you are not able to make it. From surveying inmates in our programs we know that the visit is the most important thing. As an example of a responsible adult, you need to keep your promises.
Be a Friend
Don’t treat this person as someone to be pitied, or as one whom you are going to rehabilitate. Simply listen, just as you would having coffee with a fiend. This is very important. Remember God is in charge of change. Your part is listening and being faithful and consistent.
Be Honest
Tell your match what you really think. This person must learn how you honestly feel about various aspects of life. If you do not agree with a particular idea, tell your match what you believe and why.
Be a Good Listener
It’s a fact that we all like to tell people what we think and to dwell on our own interests. In visiting someone in prison, it is important to listen. Be attentive, and center your attention on your match.
Be Patient
The building of any good relationship takes time that is why we ask for a one year commitment. It could be a while before your match can believe you are sincere. Most of his/her relationships have not been centered on someone really caring. The experience may be new. But trust can grow in time, so be patient. Being faithful with your visits shows the him/her that you are trustworthy and sincere
Be Encouraging
Because you care, your match may decide to explore new involvements. Maybe there will be an interest in schooling or a vocation, or possibly it will be a craft or reading. Be encouraging toward meaningful activities.
Dwell on the Positive Success
Try to reinforce accomplishments. Be complimentary toward all positive achievements. In prison there is a special need to feel worthwhile and appreciated.
Religion
It takes an exceptional person to walk in and immediately present God to an inmate. This is not to say it cannot be done. It would obviously be a great help to change the inmate’s attitude about himself or herself and relationships with others. If you “jump in” and begin talking about the Lord, your friend could think you aren’t really interested, that you just want to preach religion. If you are living what you profess, your inmate will inquire about what makes you tick. Let the subject come up naturally once you have earned friendship and trust.
Also, if your inmate friend doesn’t come to know the Lord during your association, do not be discouraged – it’s not failure. Remember, Jesus said that one sows and another reaps and the sower and reaper may be glad together (John 4-35-38). So be encouraged, there must be a planting of a seed for fruit to be born.
Ask Questions
One of the best ways to be a good listener is to ask questions. Ask questions that cannot be answered with a “yes or “no.” Ask “Why do you feel that way?” “How do you feel about …” Ask questions about interests and involvements.
Complaints
If there are complaints, they will probably center on the institution, officers, counselors, and food. Listen, be understanding, but do not downgrade prison officials. Do not dwell on complaints. Try to change the subject to something more positive.
Five Key Ideas
During the course of normal conversation, talk about these things. Inmates can succeed in society by following these key ideas:
Using their incarceration correctly by doing good things, enjoying good relationships, or taking advantage of any education or training opportunities.
Learning from you, as he/she will listen to a friend’s ideas including why your faith is important to you.
Guidelines to Keep the Relationship Simple
Money
We don’t give inmates money or receive money from them for a purpose. Mostly, they never ask, but if your friend expresses a financial need or wants you to buy something with either his/her money or with your money, you say, “It is against the rules and I can’t.” And do not say you are sorry that you can’t. We do not need to apologize for following the rules.
Favors
If an inmate asks you do something for him/her in the community etc. just respond, “I’ll check and see if it’s okay.” Then talk to your coordinator.
Friends/Family
Do not become involved with your inmate friend’s family or friends. This is a relationship between you and your inmate friend. Do not forward mail, make phone calls, or contact anyone for them.
Contact Info
Never give your inmate friend your home phone number or address.
Gifts
It is our policy not to be involved in giving gifts and sending packages. The idea is we need to keep the program on a “relationship” basis and not a “things” basis. Indigent inmates are supplied with the basics, like clothing, toiletries, shoes, and a Bible, Koran, or Torah. But inmates will try to manipulate better clothes, shoes, or a Bible out of volunteers. Don’t fall for it. Check with your coordinator if you have questions concerning an inmate’s needs.