M2W2

First, you might ask, “Why me?  What qualifies me to be a Prison Volunteer?”  In the many years of study concerning inmates in prison, the most significant finding is this: They do not understand how to be responsible adults. Many of the inmates we are working with have never had the example of how a responsible adult acts.  To overcome this, they need a model – someone who has been responsible in society.  Inmates need to know how you feel, and that someone cares.

Next, you might ask, “But, what do I say?”  It’s easy.  You just be yourself.  And that’s the most important idea because God made you uniquely you.  An inmate needs to experience your sincere personality.  Remember, being a great conversationalist isn’t, as important as being a good listener!

With that in mind, the following guidelines will assist you. They come from years of experience and are easy to do.

1.  Be dependable.  Come to every visit.  Call your coordinator if you are not able to make it.  From surveying inmates in our programs we know that the visit is the most important thing.  As an example of a responsible adult, you need to keep your promises.

2.  Be a friend.  Don’t treat this person as someone to be pitied, or as one whom you are going to rehabilitate.  Simply be a friend as you would be to anyone else.  This is very important.  Remember God is in charge of change. Your part is friendship and faithfulness.

3.  Be honest.  Tell your friend what you really think.  This person must learn how you honestly feel about various aspects of life.  If you do not agree with a particular idea, tell your friend what you believe and why.

4.  Be a good listener.  It’s a fact that we all like to tell people what we think and to dwell on our own interests.  In visiting a prisoner, it is important to listen.  Be attentive, and center your attention on your friend.

5.  Ask questions.  One of the best ways to be a good listener is to ask questions. Ask questions that cannot be answered with a “yes or “no”.  Ask “Why do you feel that way?” “How do you feel about …”.  Ask questions about interests and involvements.

6.  Complaints.  If there are complaints, they will probably center on the institution, officers, counselors, and food.  Listen, be understanding, but do not downgrade prison officials.  Do not dwe11 on complaints. Try to change the subject to something more positive.

7.  Be encouraging.  Because you care, your friend may decide to explore new involvements.  Maybe there will be an interest in schooling or a vocation, or possibly it will be a craft or reading.  Be encouraging toward meaningful activities.

8.  Dwell on the positive success.  One man said, “I wanted to quit my vocational school, but you people always kept asking how I was doing.  I would have been ashamed to tell you I had quit.”  He also said, “Whenever I got a good grade, you were always happy about it.  If I told a guy in the yard I got an “A”, he would have said, “So what? Try to reinforce accomplishments.  Be complimentary toward all positive achievements. In prison there is a special need to feel worthwhile and appreciated.

9.  Be patient.  The building of any good relationship takes time that is why we ask for a one year commitment.  It could be a while before your friend can believe you are sincere. Most of his/her relationships have not been centered on someone really caring.  The experience may be new.  But trust and friendship can grow in time, so be patient.  Being faithful with your visits shows the inmate that you are trustworthy and sincere.

10.  Religion.  It takes an exceptional person to walk in and immediately present God to an inmate.  This is not to say it cannot be done.  It would obviously be a great help to change the inmate’s attitude about himself or herself and relationships with others.  One man wrote, “I don’t believe in God anymore, but people I believe in.”  They can see and be seen and understand and be understood.  So don’t force your faith on your friend.  If you “jump in” and begin talking about the Lord, your friend could think “You aren’t really interested me, you just want to preach religion”.  If you are living what you profess, your inmate will inquire about what makes you tick.  Let the subject come up naturally once you have earned friendship and trust.  Also, if your inmate friend doesn’t come to know the Lord during your association, do not be discouraged – it’s not failure. Remember, Jesus said that one sows and another reaps and the sower and reaper may be glad together (John 4-35-38).  So be encouraged, there must be a planting of a seed for fruit to be born.

11.  Five Key Ideas.  During the course of normal conversation, talk about these things. Inmates can succeed in society by following these key ideas:

• Staying away from old friends and their involvement’s. Finding new friends who are responsible people.
• Keeping away from drugs and alcohol.
• Getting a job and handling money responsibly.
• Using their incarceration correctly – doing good things, enjoying good relationships, taking advantage of any education or training opportunities.
• Learning from you – he/she will listen to a friend’s ideas including why your faith is important to you.

12.  Guidelines to Keep the Relationship Simple:

• We don’t give inmates money or receive money from them for a purpose.  Mostly, they never ask, but if your friend expresses a financial need or wants you to buy something with either his/her money or with your money, you say, “It is against the rules and I can’t.”  And do not say you are sorry that you can’t.  We do not need to apologize for following the rules.
• If an inmate asks you do something for him/her in the community etc. just respond, “I’ll check and see if it’s okay.”  Then talk to your coordinator.
• Do not become involved with your inmate friend’s family or friends.  This is a relationship between you and your inmate friend.  Do not forward mail, make phone calls, or contact anyone for them.
• Never give your inmate friend your home phone number or address.
• It is our policy not to be involved in giving gifts and sending packages.  The idea is we need to keep the program on a “relationship” basis and not a “things” basis.  Indigent inmates are supplied with the basics, like clothing, toiletries, shoes, and a Bible, Koran, or Torah.  But inmates will try to manipulate better clothes, shoes, or a Bible out of volunteers.  Don’t fall for it.  Check with your coordinator if you have questions concerning an inmate’s needs.